B Factor [n.] -
A hard-to-describe influence or quality; an important element with unknown consequences; also written "X-factor"


04 November 2009

A still tongue keeps a wise head.

Someone said everyone enters your life for a reason and ever since I heard that, I’ve believed it. No matter if it’s obvious why they’re in your life at first or not, it always becomes clear what you should learn or gain from having them around you. With that being said, I believe some people are put on earth and their sole purpose is to break you… To hurt you… To make you suffer. It sounds horrible, but I view every one of those as opportunities to become a better person. Therefore, I don’t allow it to defeat me and I instead learn and grow from it. BUT at what point does one stop allowing it? You can only be put in sucky situations to learn a lesson so many times before it becomes more of a stressor than a teacher… And you can only forgive someone out of hope that they will change before you have to deal with the truth of them not being who you thought or they said they were. When do you stop allowing these people the LUXURY of your time and attention? If you don’t forgive, you’re the bad guy. If you forgive too much, you’re the doormat. If you’re nice, you get taken advantage of. If you’re mean, no one wants anything to do with you. Life is so full of hypocrisy.

I’ve been on both sides of the fence in that I’ve been the girl everyone loves and I’ve been the bitch no one could stand. Deep down, I’m just me wanting to live my life as harmoniously as possible but at what side of the fence do I sit on in order to do so? I hate unsolicited advice, I hate people who question my decisions/opinions/life/etc., and I hate people who talk about me. BUT I’ve been told when I only display the good of what people want to see in terms of what I say and how I act (even if it isn’t how I really feel), others see me as a “goody two shoes.” On the contrary, when I speak, do, and live as I please, people – even those who hardly even know me or aren’t even around me – take that and run with it and make it out to whatever they decide I “am” for the next person to judge me based on. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Everyone is going to talk. Everyone will not like me. That is perfectly fine and, in fact, if I could live my life unnoticed I would. I hate being the subject of a conversation and I hate people who judge me when they’ve never even gotten to know me firsthand. Like, expand your knowledge base, people! Get to know someone if you care enough to talk about them because 9 times out of 10, they aren’t who you thought. I’ve been told a million and one times (even by one of my close friends before she knew me “in real life”) that I’m nothing like what people thought I would be. And I find it ironic because I always do good by other people… Even if they’re shady towards me.

Maybe it’s not the game; maybe it’s the players!

I guess ultimately, life is about decisions. We decide who we interact with, what choices we make, and – most importantly – how we respond to the curveballs life throws at us. Although I’m not #1 on everyone’s BFF list and I’m far from perfect, I do know that at the end of the day I am a good person. All-around. I put 110% into every relationship – platonic or not – that I enter and never intentionally do wrong to anyone whether I like them or not. Someone said the way people treat you is their karma but the way you react is yours. People may take my kindness for weakness or may do wrong to me and take my forgiveness as stupidity but at the end of the day, there is always reasoning behind my actions and I refuse to become bitter and angry because of the BS I experience. I believe that the through the worse situations I endure, the stronger and smarter I can become. It’s why I’m unbreakable now.

Life is too short to be wasted on trying to make toxic relationships and friendships into what they “could” be and allowing negativity around me. I’ve realized that I have to cut the BS and do what’s best for me with complete disregard for what people will think or say. It may cause hurt feelings, it may cause tempers to flare, but to spare someone else the suffering and instead carry the burden myself isn’t fair and definitely isn’t warranted. So with that being said, I’m acting brand new. And I’m not apologizing for it. I’m living my life the way I please and doing what is best for ME. If you like it, I love it. If not, I’m looking right past you. Life is so blissful when I’m going through it solo, but you throw in others and it gets hectic… Well, with the shady people, that is.

I see the truth in everything and everyone, and nothing looks sillier than insecure, miserable people who have to build themselves up by bringing the next person down... Especially when I'm all about bringing people UP and putting others' feelings before my own the majority of the time. I love everyone who loves me and wish no bad on those who pretend to with ulterior motives. But just know, boys and girls, that even when it may seem like Bri is stupid or weak, Bri is always 10 steps ahead of you and my brain is working in overdrive at all times. I’m a mastermind, not a talker. I’m a do-er, not a bragger. And most importantly… I’m a privilege, not a right. Don’t get comfortable.


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